Most of us, when we become parents, rediscover what it means to truly love another person. Our children are born and then not a day goes by when we're not making sacrifices for them in all sorts of necessary, unplanned and sometimes even unpleasant ways. Most often we're only as happy as our least happy child. We tend to want for our children the opportunities we didn't have, whether that means dance and music lessons, theater classes or participation on sports teams that practice several days a week. And when our children succeed at something--at anything, really, but especially the things at which they want to succeed--we're filled with pride, and perhaps the sense that our parenting is "good enough" and that our children are fulfilling their potential.
So what happens when we must pack our children up and send them to college? The choices before them will be vast and very often incomprehensible. As parents, we want reassurance that we've prepared our children for this. We want to be certain that while we've encouraged our sons and daughters to achieve at school and work, we've also instilled in them the deeper understanding that happiness comes not from perfect grades, job titles- or salary figures. Health and well-being--indeed, success--comes from our quality of relationships and the support system found within a college setting.
It is that very passage that each college student takes with their support system around them. To chear them on, to provide a shoulder to lean on and to be there through it all. Yet, whether or not the college student knows it, the parents take a simliar path and are there every step of the way. Whether they choose to tell you a lot or a little, we learn something from the different experiences in our college student's life.
But what happens when the diploma is delivered and it is time to find your way into another chapter? Now is when we as parents and our graduate might seem to struggle a bit. The transition may be a bit bumpy for each of us.
Yet if our college student remembers their support system and includes us in that group, we must remember that our student is still finding their way. Only then may it be possible for the two of us to meet in the middle.
Use the time to be creative, try new things and find yourself. We are trying to figure out our role. With patience and a little bit of humility, we actually might end up on the right path.
So parents, listen up - it's not about getting caught up in the details, it's about finding the right fit and the perserverance without giving up.
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